Father's day reflections
I miss my dad. So do my two grown daughters and my 8 siblings. And I'm really sad he didn't get to meet my little granddaughter. Dad retired to a little farm in Indiana after 38 years as a milk route salesman (he sold to small stores rather than individual homes). It was a job that provided fairly well for our big Catholic-birth-control-size family.
We never knew our dad while we grew up. He and my mom were a closed circuit pair. She spoke for him; he let her handle discipline and most everything else. He'd step in when she asked him to--to scare us or spank us or whatever.
But how we loved going to visit them on the farm. For twenty years, it was my family's only vacation spot. As a single mom, I loved it as a haven of comfort. I'd arrive, have a drink with them, pat my kids on the head and sleep. Pretty much all weekend I'd sleep. I knew the kids were safe and had interesting things to do out in nature. No chores. No errands. No work. No phone calls. God, it was like heaven.
Then after my mom died, my dad found it hard at first to negotiate the world on his own. But he put his mind to it. And we all watched him teach himself how to listen more and how to communicate more effectively with us. We got to know him in a way we never could when both parents were a unit. It was a precious gift, and I am profoundly grateful to have had those years with him.
There is nothing in the world like having a good relationship with your dad. Hope yours with your dad brings you much joy. And if it doesn't, I hope you've found peace with that.
Labels: dad, father's day
4 Comments:
No, I never had a good relationship with my father. He was totally self-absorbed; after he lost his job, he lapsed into alcoholism and then violent rages at my mother. It was a relief when he finally died, after nearly a dozen years in and out of state mental institutions. Father's Day is a reminder of what I longed for and never had. I'm so envious of people for whom their father was a joy, not a burden.
Your situation sounds like it was very hard indeed. Sadly, I think many of us don't have fond memories of our childhood years. And many of our children will have memories of divorce and perhaps one or both parents acting inappropriately through that strain.
As part of my acceptance, I concluded that our parents are an important part of who we become...that what happens to us in childhood is what we have to spend our adult lives learning to get over.
Thanks for a lovely post, Barbara. I miss my dad, too. It wasn't always an easy relationship, but I knew that family was the most important thing in the world to him. A great deal of what I am comes from him, including my love of exploring. He was volatile, but he was also quite wonderful -- thoughtful, creative, loving, and ready to try anything.
I hear you, Cynthia. Sometimes we just have to be grateful for whatever good there is in a tough situation or relationship. It's a blessing to be able to extract the positive. Thanks for sharing.
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