Saturday night single

Single working woman, what are you doing on this warm (in the temperate zone) Saturday night?

I just tried my first "instant play" from Netflix. You get to download a movie to your computer and watch it immediately. I was glad because I wasn't sure whether I could only use the service in between physical discs arriving--which would have been hard because there's always one coming from your "queue" or going back to them.

Anyway, I was able to download my first instant play--after of course downloading the proprietary software to play it. Okay, I thought. Even if I already have two free DVD player programs installed, guess I can add another because instant access without any extra charge to movies not remotely available on Cable's OnDemand is a great idea.

So I picked my first instant play from among movies I wasn't sure I actually wanted to see again. The Killing Fields was the first one. And I quickly remembered why I didn't want to see it again. All about blood and politics and anger during the Vietnam era. But I did learn something fascinating. The star of this movie is Sam Waterston--the guy who's been playing Jack McCoy on Law & Order (one of my favorite repeat television shows) for many years. So I can see now he was a passionate political believer from the very beginning. What a joy it must be for him to be able to mesh his career (playing a guy fighting for justice) with his real feelings. Incidentally, I have no proof that that's the case. I've just noticed over the years that actors who care about issues tend to accept parts in movies that expose those issues. Check out the roster in the movie Crash.

But, again, I digress. The point I wanted to make was the Netflix proprietary software is very sensitive to how strong/consistent your internet connection is. So it happened that after about 10 minutes of the movie, I got a message saying, "your Internet connection has slowed, so we are adjusting playback to avoid further interruptions."

They say they'll need 20 minutes. Okay, I say. This is good. I'll now always have perfect performance from Netflix movies. So I make myself some popcorn. Let the pet bunny out of the cage to run around. Take the sheets out of the dryer and make the bed with fresh linens (that'll be fun tonight!). Pour myself a glass of wine. And finally the 20 minutes of "adjusting" is done. The movie recommences.

I keep watching the blood and gore and anger and realize this is not my favorite type of entertainment on Saturday (or most any other evening), but I keep watching so I can study Sam Waterston as a young man. After 30 more minutes, I get that message again.

This time, I write in my journal for a bit. Then try to figure out who among my friends might be interested--and available--to chat at 8:30 pm on a Saturday evening. Call a dear friend who's recently become a little more available and chat for a while. While we talk, the software's chugging along "adjusting" and then re-starts. I turn the sound down and continue chatting while watching. Once we ARE finished talking, I turn the sound up to watch again--and lo and behold, 5 minutes later I get that dread "adjusting" message again.

As you may imagine, I now decide to simply turn the freaking thing off. I wonder does this just happen the first time you use an instant download? If it happens every time, I'll have to seriously "adjust" my expectations!

Earlier this evening, I took a short walk to the local drugstore--just to get out of the house and enjoy the warm evening. It's really interesting to stroll through a heavily Hispanic neighborhood in Chicago on a spring's first warm evening. You encounter pocket after pocket of loud and enthusiastic music, some from cars going by, many from open windows of houses and apartments in the area. It's like the warm weather is the cue to turn up the volume and start dancing. I really like that in a neighborhood.

So what did YOU do tonight? I hope you enjoyed yours, too.

No wonder America is fat

This seems like a no-brainer. If we know--as this latest study says we now do--people tend to eat more (cookies, candy, etc.) and buy more (unnecessary spending) when they've seen something that reminds them of death, how could Americans not tend toward fat when everywhere you turn the news is about death and danger--fire, stabbing, rape, murder, and so on?

Add to that the fact that when people don't feel good about themselves, this tendency to eat and spend more when faced with death thoughts is even more pronounced, and you've got a recipe for an overweight society. Here it is in a nutshell:

• We idolize thinness. (see earlier posts on self-image and beauty)
• We have easy access to unlimited quantities of unhealthy but appetizing food choices.
• We eat more when faced with thoughts of death.
• We are exposed to death on a daily, sometimes an hourly, basis in our news coverage.
• We feel depressed that we aren't thin enough.
• We eat more to compensate for the death and the depression.
• We get fat. And then the news does stories about how fat America is--and how it's leading to more death.
• We eat more because we're depressed about dying from eating too much.
• And round and round.

And so goes the unending death spiral (bad pun intended).

Adventures of the midlife woman

If you're 50-ish, you're entering a new stage of life--sometimes called midlife--when your priorities might be shifting. If you're in your fifties and you had kids, you're adjusting to life without those consuming responsibilities. If you're 5-plus and still vibrant, you're a modern woman! Gosh, remember when we were kids, and FORTY was considered OLD? We've come a long way, baby...

Anyway, there's a blog called Fearless Fifties that's all about helping women grow and enjoy at this time of life. Some of us might be looking at retiring; a lot of us will keep working long past the I-ought-to-be-able-to-hang-it-up-by-now age.

And of course, a bunch of us midlifer baby-boomer women are single--so let's all connect with each other. Sign up for the Fearless Fifties newsletter. Sign up for our blog (in the lefthand margin). Then come back and tell us what you love about growing older--and it's okay to complain about what you hate about getting older. What are the challenges of being single at midlife? What are you passionate about today!?

I love this saying I read somewhere: "What a man's learned by the time he's fifty, you almost can't write down." And that goes double for women!

Long holiday weekends a time to be good to yourself

Yeah, extra time to buy flowers that you hope the randomly destructive resident squirrels won't immediately dig up. Extra time to write in your personal-interest blogs (like this one and www.biomednews.org).

Extra time to spend with other single friends--at least a spare hour or two they might not be busy catching up just like you are.

Extra time to spend with family members you actually like. Time to finish that good novel you've been sneaking in all week on your breaks.

Time to listen to the fun oldies radio station that you don't listen to all week because you can't remember to turn it off fast enough when your clients call.

Of course, even if you really have a lot of work to do, you need to do some of these things anyway--for the sake of your spirit or your sanity or whatever "other" side of yourself you normally don't take much care of.

Before I started my writing business I used to dream often of a baby that I'd forgotten about, or left behind, or in some other way neglected. I hated those dreams with a passion. Would wake up guilt-laden and horrified. I figured I was a reasonably good mom, so this seemed like an undeserved but ingenious way to destroy my peace of mind--and they really did.

To my surprise and joy, I noticed after a few months on my own that I couldn't remember having one of those dreams. It's nearly 7 years later, and I've only had one of them once in that time--I think it was when I was working weekends and vacations to meet the months-long irrational demands of a new staff member at one of my corporate clients.

As an amateur psychology nut, my conclusion is that I was the baby in those dreams. And those dreams were warning me that it was myself I was neglecting--I wasn't nurturing my spirit, my tender, creative side. After all, a baby is nothing if not tender and creative. So my wish for you is that you never need to have bad dreams to force you to take care of your tender and beautiful spirit. Do it now and do it often.

God bless those who suffered and died for their countries--and all their loved ones who suffered losses just as great. Happy long-Memorial-Day weekend.

Teen girls' positive self-image attracts bullying

Oh, brother. We women can't win for losing.

Now we learn that thinking you look pretty good when you're a teenager means you're more likely to get people to pick on you--by a whopping 35%. Boys, on the other hand, who feel they're good looking actually have a 25% lower chance of getting bullied.

Sigh. Here's the study report--read it and weep.

Women and Work - Rutgers study statistics

Why so many working poor women/mothers? Biggest reason is lack of access to appropriate training to increase skill levels.

A recent Rutgers study suggests online learning, conducted in easy-to-reach locations at off-hours times, is the answer. In a pilot program conducted in New Jersey, the results were dramatic. Average wages increased by 14% and many women in the program went on to enter college or community college programs.

ALL the women felt this online program was the only way they would have been able to access training like this.

• Flexibility in time and location–Work around their schedules–Laptop computers
• Helps alleviate childcare demands–Age of children is important–Family literacy effects
• Helps alleviate transportation demands–Access to courses not available in local area
• Participation in the program increases women’s confidence and self-esteem[italics mine]

This is becoming a recurring theme in my networking, reading and interviewing lately. That sometimes all a woman needs is someone to show her, give her the facts, support her curiosity, and help her fulfill her obligations while learning.

It's a catch-22 for women. They want to be good mothers, good friends, good daughters, and--in the case of married women--good spouses. These are huge self-imposed--and society-approved--assignments that don't leave much time for a woman's own growth. But not taking time to nurture yourself can increase any woman's sense of being less important than others.

Here are some of the study's stats:

• 2/3 of married women work
• 60.7% of mothers with children under the age of 3 work.
• 47% of women are on their own. 27% are single and 20% are divorced, separated or widowed.
• Single women head 18% of all families.
• Women’s labor force participation is expected to grow from 1.5 million to over 2.3 million in 2015.

In the nearly 40 years since the Equal Pay Act passed, the pay gap between men and women has only narrowed by less than a half. Overall, women earn about 74% of men’s wages. Compared to men of the same race

• White women earn 70% of men’s wages
• Black women earn 83% of men’s wages
• Hispanic women earn 87% of men’s wages
• 2 out of 3 working women earn less than $30,000 per year
• 9 out of 10 working women earn less than $50,000

Many thanks to Dr. Mary Gatta for her work. View the complete Rutgers Center for Women and Work slide show here.

What price beauty?

Is America obsessed with beauty and thinness? Well, it's all in your mind's eye. If you see it as critical to have the thinnest possible body, if you see it as important to being accepted; if you use a plastic surgeon for your face and body like you do a mechanic for your car; if you view people who are heavier than you as jokes or abominations, then yeah, you might be obsessed.

Got notice today from the Chicago Bloggers group about a screening of the movie "America the Beautiful." The director is in Chicago for the screening here and will be doing Q&A after the showings this weekend.

In 2004, America spent $12.4 billion on cosmetic surgery. The estimated cost for basic nutrition and health care in developing countries: $13 billion. If those figures don't convince you that our priorities are skewed, consider that the real cost of our obsession with youth, beauty and a slender physique is tallied in an epidemic of eating disorders, complications and death from unnecessary surgeries, exposure to dangerous toxins in cosmetics, and the equally toxic effects on a generation of young people. How did we get this way? Who is harmed by our quest for perfection? And who is profiting from encouraging the insecurities that fuel that quest? Hear from the movers and shakers of advertising, fashion, entertainment andthe media; from educators, health-care professionals and scientists; and from ordinary men, women and teens. The answers they give are astounding, with consequences far more than skin deep.

It was the top grossing film two weekends in a row. Exclusive engagement at the Landmark Century Centre Cinema (2828 N. Clark Street) on Friday and Saturday (May 23 and 24) There will be a special Q &A with director, Darryl Roberts following the 7:10and 9:45 show times.

Women of substance

Sometimes we women forget how incredible we are. It's easy to do when you're caught in the dailiness of life's obligations.

Today some women with a mission provided a chance for other women to come and enjoy each others' company, learn some great tips on improving our financial savvy, and eat some lovely food in lovely surroundings.

After the panel discussion on women's financial empowerment--ably and passionately facilitated by Vikki Pryor, the CEO of S.USA, our host company--I had an opportunity to hear stories of how some women make sure they find the time outside their careers to make a difference in the lives of school-age children. How they regularly give of their expertise and their creativity to help change the dynamics for kids--help them "get" lessons that make it more likely they'll be able to access opportunities out there. Talk, for example, about dress styles and attitudes that can hamper a young person's chances in the job market. Bring inspiring speakers who can also help kids identify--people who started out with nothing and grew up to be successful and confident members of society.

Robin, Cheryl and Chester, thanks for your stories. Vikki and crew, thank you for a brief but powerful interlude of inspiration.

Mother's day a cry for peace

The woman who was responsible for initiating the celebration of Mother's Day, Julia Ward Howe, had in mind a noble purpose when she called for women's unity back in 1870--the start of the French/German war and a few years after the nominal end of the United States Civil War.

Today is a good day to share with you her impassioned cry for the mothers of the world to come together and end the reckless disregard for life and limb that is the horror of war. Our hearts--and all women give birth, whether to babies, ideas or both--may well be crying the same things today:

Say firmly: "We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies. Our husbands shall not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause. Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have taught them of charity, mercy and patience. We women of one country will be too tender of those of another to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."

From the bosom of the devastated earth, a voice goes up with our own. It says, "Disarm, Disarm!"

Thanks to Cat Thompson of Emotional Technologies for sharing the mother's day peace manifesto link.

God bless mothers today.

Pesticide-laden foods to avoid buying...and introducing SWWAN stuff

Single women cannot afford to be sick--and we have to take care of ourselves when we do get sick. So eating healthier is one thing we can do for ourselves. Seems certain foods retain much more of the nasty pesticides used today and consequently end up not being good for you, in spite of their high nutrition load. It's not good news for those of us who try to thrive on fruits and veggies.

But at least this article gives some nutritionally equivalent non-organic food alternatives that aren't so bad. The answer, they suggest, is to buy locally from folks who don't use all that commercial poison. So look for a farmer's market near you and shop there faithfully.

Strawberries (boo-hoo)
Spinach (double boo-hoo)
Bell peppers
Celery
Peaches
Cherries
Mexican cantaloupe (how the heck does the poison get beyond that thick rind?)
Apples (oh, NO!)
Fresh apricots
Green beans (my personal nightmare because I LOVE them so much)

If you can't find these organically grown, click to read the healthier non-organic food alternatives.

Meanwhile, we just couldn't resist adding a little extra fun to SWWAN. So we created a few items you can use to proclaim your pride and joy at being a SWWAN and/or SWWAN mom.

Know a single mom with a little one? Get her a happy Mother's Day gift that proclaims how much her baby is loved! Click for more cute SWWAN stuff. Please let us know if there's anything you'd like to see in our SWWAN stuff store.

Women were always somewhere in the workplace--war made it common

Watched an old classic movie last night, Bridge over the River Kwai. Amazing--all males in the movie. Not a single female. Of course. Women weren't drafted back then. But they were busy keeping the US running! Check out these facts:

"Rosie the Riveter" became the symbol for women workers in the American defense industries after the US joined WWII. With so many men from the labor pool conscripted into the military--and the need for increased production to support the war effort--the federal War Manpower Commission and the Office of War Information began recruiting women from all over the country into the labor force.

From 1940 to 1945, the number of female workers rose by 50 percent, from 12 million to 18 million. In 1940, women constituted 8 percent of total workers employed in the production of durable goods. By 1945, this number increased to 25 percent. [the US government's website]

All through the war, women worked as streetcar conductors, taxicab drivers, business managers, commercial airline checkers, aerodynamic engineers, and railroad workers. Women operated machinery, streetcars, buses, cranes, and tractors. They unloaded freight, built dirigibles and gliders, worked in lumber mills and steel mills, and made munitions. In short, women accepted the call and worked in almost every aspect of industry.

How ironic what then happened in the 50s. Women were expected to stay home and support the men (those who came back anyway) and raise the children and get their minds off the idea of significant employment outside the home. For women in the 21st century, the world's a different place. Options and expectations are different. Possibilities are far less constrained--though the old boys network is still in full operation and "having it all" is still mainly a myth.

But as SWWANs, we identify strongly with those women who were home alone having to do it all by themselves. That's why we like Rosie's tagline: "We can do it!" Changing the idea of "me by myself" into "we, together."